


May Our Past Be Past

by Fericita



Series: When All Is Lost [18]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies), Frozen 2 - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21986809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fericita/pseuds/Fericita
Summary: includes the scene we saw in Frozen 2:“I love you.” Agnarr spoke it softly, as if the words might scare her.She drew strength from the certainty in his voice, the kindness. “I need to tell you about my past. And where I’m from.” His fingers touched her hair and gently stroked some strands away from her face. She nestled her cheek against his palm.“I’m listening.” He was so, so kind. He would still love her. He might be angry or confused about why she had kept this from him, but he loved her.
Relationships: Agnarr & Iduna (Disney), Agnarr/Iduna (Disney)
Series: When All Is Lost [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571230
Comments: 20
Kudos: 92





	May Our Past Be Past

As she left the castle gardens with a basketful of calendula, Iduna saw Elias and Captain Calder waving to her. Elias had been coming to the council meetings for a few months, just about as long as she and Agnarr had been officially courting. His father was hoping to position him as the next Minister of Trade, and Elias was hoping to figure out a way to tell his father that he wanted to explore the Caribbean or sail the Amalfi coast. He wanted to oversee the cargo and travel the trading routes, not negotiate the price of imported cotton inside a room with Arendelle’s most competent and most boring councilors.

“Iduna! How lovely to see you!” Captain Calder gave her a friendly bow as she drew close. Elias offered to take her basket.

“Oh, no thanks, it’s not heavy.”

“We were speaking about you at the meeting just now, my dear.” Captain Calder had always been friendly to Iduna, especially after the outbreak of Rock Pox two summers ago. His wife and daughter had been stricken, but had made a full recovery thanks to a remedy Iduna had concocted. Elias had been a good friend since their first skerry expedition, and though she knew him well, she couldn’t figure out what his expression meant just now.

“Was it about expanding the gardens?” She brightened up. “There are some new strains of yarrow I want to try.”

“Not that, no. It was about the marriage.” He picked up her hand and kissed it, an uncharacteristic show of affection. “And I for one certainly am not upset.” Iduna looked at him, confused.

“Father, I don’t think Agnarr wanted –“ Elias put a hand on his father’s arm, but Captain Calder continued, not understanding the warning his son was trying to give him.

“No one really wanted a new alliance anyway . Too tenuous. They always are. We thought we had an agreement with Northuldra – we built them a dam – but in the end they betrayed us. I lost a nephew.” His face darkened for a moment before he continued.

“We have more than enough trade partners and friends, thanks to Agnarr. We don’t need to court our enemies or try to turn them. Trickery and betrayal are all you get if you count on an enemy to become your friend.”

Iduna felt herself turning pale and gripped her basket handle very tightly. The casual mention of Northuldra and betrayal had been a shock, and she felt her mind moving very slowly to unravel the mess of words he had said so casually. No new alliance? The marriage? She knew some duchies and kingdoms were still sending matchmaking inquiries despite Agnarr’s formal declaration of courtship with her. But short of a wedding, that was likely to continue. If there was to be a wedding, wouldn’t she know?

“My dear, we are delighted you chose Arendelle as your home in your youth and we are delighted that you choose the king now. The wedding will be a wonderful celebration and you can count on the full support of the council.” Captain Calder patted her on the shoulder, proud he had offered his support, and walked on.

The wedding. Her wedding? Iduna looked at Elias, hoping for clarity. “What did he just say? What did he mean?”

Elias shook his head. “He wasn’t supposed to ... “He shook his head again and trailed off.

“Elias, what was he talking about!”

“I don’t think I should tell you,” he said helplessly. “Agnarr is going to talk to you soon, and – “

“Elias, did Agnarr tell the council we’re going to get married?”

Elias looked like he wished he was on the Amalfi Coast now. He looked around to see if there was any escape from her questions short of running away. There wasn’t. He sighed and gave her an apologetic look. “It’s protocol, Iddy. The king has to give notice to the council when he intends to propose to his lady. Then they give permission, and then he is allowed to propose. It’s in the kingdom’s charter. I guess so the king can’t marry someone dangerous like a troll or some murderous Northuldra savage or even worse,” he grinned. “Duchess Alexsandra.“

Iduna looked at her hands, she had gripped the basket so tightly they were bone white. The word proposal had sent a feeling of joy through her. Proposal. Wedding. He wanted to marry her! But then immediately, a sense of dread settled into her. Betrayals. Savage Northuldra.

How could she marry Agnarr? It would put both of them at great risk if she was found out as being Northuldra. And how could she possibly keep it a secret among all of the powerful people and different nations that would become part of her daily life? How would Agnarr feel if it was revealed? Betrayed, most likely. It would be unfathomable to him that she could lie to him for six years about something so important.

"Should I go get Agnarr? Should I just go? What do you want?" Elias looked worried at her long silence and more than a little sheepish. It wasn't his fault the order of events had gotten turned around, but he clearly felt like it was.

"No, I'm fine.” Her voice was quiet, uneven. She didn’t sound like herself.

“And really, Iddy, it is grand. I’m happy for you two. Agnarr is beyond happy. I’m sorry you found out this way, but my father must have thought you knew.”

“I’m just surprised.” She smiled at him, trying to seem calm and happy. “Don’t let Agnarr know I heard that, please. I’m sure he’s planning something and I don’t want him disappointed.”

“I won’t, Iddy.” Elias sounded relieved and turned to go.

Iduna walked to the kitchens to drop off the calendula. She had a work table set up there where she could prepare the herbs, but she would leave that for later. She needed a minute away from the castle to think before anyone accidentally told her more momentous news.

She walked back to the boarding house, grateful that Maddie and Greet were still out. Without them there, she could get out her shawl. The Northuldra one. It was the only thing she had left of her homeland, and tracing the intricate patterns and feeling the softness of it had become the closest she could get to the physical touch of her family. When she touched it, she remembered being wrapped in it by her mother as a small child, her grandmother telling her the story of each stitch and design.

Iduna had started hiding the shawl the day Eir told her she should stop wearing the pants and clothes she was used to, and to start making an effort to look less foreign. She hid it again at the boarding house, knowing that its presence might draw questions from Maddie and Greet that she didn't want to answer. She wasn’t particularly worried that people would know its Northuldra origins; no one here was familiar enough with their customs and designs. But it belonged to some place other than Arendelle, and seeing it would invite questions about where exactly that was. Her friends had been polite enough to avoid asking about her family and her home before Arendelle. There was enough recent pain here that they could too easily guess why a fourteen-year-old girl would end up alone in a kingdom far from her homeland. But Maddie, and especially Greet, would see the shawl as an invitation to ask those questions long dormant.

It had never felt safe sharing her past with anyone. Not even Agnarr. Especially not Agnarr. Agnarr's father had been killed in Northuldra, and he had told her that watching it happen was the last thing he remembered before falling during the battle. Six years on, and he still didn't know that Iduna had been the one to get him out of the battle, past the stones and mist, and back to Arendelle.

Keeping it from him had been a matter of survival, at first. She had heard the people in town gleefully talking about murdering a Northuldra man in the woods. She had seen the bitterness and grief with which everyone spoke of the Northern Expedition. She knew that people consumed by rage and anguish didn't act rationally. And that even a fourteen-year-old girl could be caught and hurt in the violent expression of the kingdom’s despair. Even the one who had saved the king.

  
She didn't regret not telling him about her past then. She could easily have become a symbol of a nation that slaughtered and trapped the missing. As king, it would have been Agnarr's duty to tell his council and to pass judgement against the girl from Northuldra. And then as they grew up and grew closer, she sometimes forgot where she was from. No, that wasn’t true. She worked hard to suppress where she was from.

Loving Agnarr had been difficult enough as an orphan without any rich or royal connections. To love him as an enemy seemed impossible. She had buried her identity along with her scarf, but it kept calling to her. She felt the pull of it as she mixed medicines and salves with the recipes known to her since she was old enough to help Anja with the work of healing her people. She heard the wind and thought of its playful ways, saw the forested mountains and wondered if the mists would ever open again. And if they did, would it be possible to bring peace to her people and to Arendelle? Maybe marrying Agnarr would be a boon to the land, to the spirits that ruled there. To the spirits that had shut her out. She knew that their absence meant her people, her home, was unreachable. She smoothed the shawl, tracing the elemental patterns, feeling equally lonely for and equally angry with those spirits for blocking her from her home that day of the battle.

If Captain Calder was right, Agnarr was going to ask her to marry him. And before that happened, she needed to tell him who she was. He deserved to know what she was. Who her people were before she had adopted Arendelle as her home. How she had come there in the first place and why that posed a risk for him. She had felt conflicted enough accepting his formal suit without being open with him, but she couldn’t bear the thought of accepting his hand in marriage and building a life together based on deceit.

She needed a way to get him to the stones, to show him and tell him who she was and where she was from. But how to get a king away from his kingdom for a trip that would take at least a day each direction? Lady Wollen’s sole purpose in life seemed to be preventing that sort of thing from happening these days. Iduna was fairly confident she had identified at least four plainclothes informants who followed her and Agnarr around, even when an official escort was with them. She frowned in thought.

  
She needed the help of someone whose word wouldn’t be doubted, who would be seen as trustworthy enough to the council to both announce this trip and then act as chaperone. Someone who could also create a plausible reason the king and his beloved would need to go on a trip to the woods when the most pressing issue she had ever raised at a council meeting had been her request for the expansion of the castle gardens. She smiled as a name came to mind.

Elias. Elias would help.

***

Elias did help. He let it be known that he was leading the king and Iduna on a tour of the northern wilds, so that Iduna could scout out some new cloudberry varieties. It was possible the council thought it was an elaborate proposal plot, but no one made a fuss about propriety, even Lady Wollen. She had given up on Agnarr and his wooing of women. His eighteenth year had been a difficult one for her. She had recently been promoted to Minister of Culture, a broader responsibility, with less day-to-day administration of Agnarr’s affairs. She loved it.

Agnarr, thrilled to be leaving the confines of the castle for an adventure, had said “Yes!” immediately when Elias asked if he and Iduna would want to go out for an overnight ride. He missed their days of exploring together and it would be a welcome break from the tedious royal duties that had defined the past few months. Elias oversaw provisions, prepared the horses, and then made it clear that he would be scarce when needed.

Iduna had started riding after she and Agnarr began courting, and took to it easily. It reminded her of the way her people had used magic. Riding a horse was like using the wind or the rocks to get where she wanted to go, and it was a joy to feel the breeze on her face and remember the wind spirit who felt like a friend. The saddles made for a smoother ride than the back of a reindeer. She tried to enjoy the ride now, but worry was an active thing in her stomach. She put a hand to her middle and tried to will herself calm. Agnarr noticed her discomfort and pulled close.

“Are you alright? Are we going too fast?”

She shook her head. “No, not too fast. This is a good pace if we want to get there before nightfall.”

“Where are we going? I was so ready for some fresh air and fewer council members arguing that I didn’t ask Elias any questions. Do you know what he has in mind?”

Iduna took a deep breath. She should tell him now. It would be easier. “This was my idea. There is something I wanted to show you, and it’s another few hours of riding to get there.”

Agnarr seemed pleased and surprised. “Your idea! Are you trying to seduce me with some elaborate scheme?” He lifted one eyebrow in an expression that usually made her laugh, but she remained silent. Finally, she spoke.  
“I need to talk to you alone, about something important. Just…just wait. Until we’re there.”

Catching the pained look on her face, Agnarr stopped himself from giving a teasing reply, and they continued to ride in silence.

***

At Iduna’s request, Elias had stopped at a bend in the hard-packed road.

“Oaken’s new store isn’t far. You can stay there while we continue. Meet us here tomorrow morning and we’ll ride back together.”

Elias was relieved that no one had mentioned a proposal or his father on the ride up, but it had also been a ride full of the tension of unspoken things. He was eager to leave.

“See you tomorrow Agnarr. Iddy.”

As he rode off, Iduna dismounted and told Agnarr to do the same. She looped her satchel around her body and lead her horse to the side of the path.

“The horses will be safe just up here off of the road. We can tie them to the tree near those grasses. We’ll go on foot the rest of the way.”

Agnarr followed her lead silently and took her hand after the horses were settled. She turned to him, and he could see there was worry in the shape of her eyebrows, the tilt of her chin, the way her shoulders rounded in.

“Sunny, what is it?”

She smiled at the nickname, but still had that worried look. She tried to speak and shook her head, unable. Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them away.

He pulled her close, and thought of dancing with her at his eighteenth birthday. When they were both full of words they couldn’t speak to each other out of fear. She seemed fearful now, her hand on his chest. His hand found the golden pendant around her neck, his gift to her that night. He ran his fingers along the chain, and then settled on her shoulder.

“I love you.” Agnarr spoke it softly, as if the words might scare her.

She drew strength from the certainty in his voice, the kindness. “I need to tell you about my past. And where I’m from.” His fingers touched her hair and gently stroked some strands away from her face. She nestled her cheek against his palm.

“I’m listening.” He was so, so kind. He would still love her. He might be angry or confused about why she had kept this from him, but he loved her.

“I love you. And I want to be with you forever. Captain Calder told me that you will propose – “

Agnarr groaned and touched his forehead to hers. “I do want to marry you. I didn’t want him to tell you before I asked! I had to ask the council’s permission first, but Sunny, I promise I won’t let the council dictate our lives.”

“I want to marry you too.” She said it very quietly, and the tears that had been pooling in her eyes, stinging and puffy, began to fall on her cheeks. He could hear her sniffs as she tried to control the show of emotion. He pulled back so he could hold her face, wiping her tears with his thumbs.

Iduna took a deep breath and reached in her satchel. She pulled out the shawl and raised it between them.

“I haven’t told you where I’m from because I was afraid of what might happen if I did. And if we get married, where I’m from could be dangerous to you.” Holding the shawl had helped her keep the emotion out of her voice. Speaking about who she was, after so many years of hiding it, was difficult. It felt like those words had been hidden along with the shawl, and now that they could be out in the open, they had already floated away, or burned up, or left with her tears.

Agnarr continued to stroke the side of her face, waiting for her to say more.

“I’m Northuldra.”

Agnarr made no move at her confession. His hand stopped stroking her face, but stayed there, waiting for her to say more. She took another deep breath and continued.

“I – we – met before the battle and the closing of the forest. I saw you, bleeding on the ground, and I tried to help you. I called for help from the wind – do you remember that at least, about the Northuldra? How the wind could be our friend? It’s one of the spirits we lived with in the forest. Look, its symbol is here on my shawl.” She traced the pattern, looking down, unable to look up into his eyes. What would she see there? Anger? Betrayal? Fear?

But Agnarr again began to stroke her cheek in steady circles with his thumb. He spoke gently, wanting to know more and afraid an impassioned reaction from him might stop her from saying more. “I don’t remember much from that time in Northuldra at all. We met there? You saved me?”

“The wind spirit helped. And then I hid next to you in a cart and one of the Arendellian soldiers sent us through the mist and stones.” She straightened, pulling away from him and starting to walk across the clearing. She called over the shoulder. “That’s why I brought you here. We’re close to the stones. I thought it might help you remember.”

Agnarr followed her, stumbling over the rock-strewn ground. It was hard to walk when he was so stunned by her confession. Then, he was stunned by the scene before him. They had reached the stones, rising tall out of the mist that seemed to stop at a border. His memories of this place, of that time, had been hazy like the mist. He had never been sure what was real and what was a nightmare. The palace physicians told him that his head injury would likely keep those memories mixed up forever.

  
Iduna looked around the area, half expecting a troll to roll up and take over explaining what she had to tell him. Trolls, however, were fairly unreliable and she had not enjoyed her last interaction with them. It was best they stayed away, or if present, stayed hidden.

Iduna took Agnarr’s hand. “The mist has been here since the forest closed. I came many times the year of the battle to try to get back in. It has always been closed.” She reached out a hand and felt the familiar jolt and push of the mist keeping her out. She drew a shuddering breath. “It’s closed still. My family, if they are alive, are in there. And there is no way I can get to them. There is no way I can ask them why the celebration turned into a battle and why your father was killed. Why so many were killed.”  
Agnarr reached out with his free hand and felt the push of the mist. He stumbled a step back, losing his hold on Iduna’s hand as he did. She spoke in a low, quiet voice. “I’m so sorry, Agnarr. I’m so sorry I’m not who you thought I was.”

Agnarr drew close to her, putting a hand on each shoulder and looking into her eyes. “Iduna, I love you. I have loved you since we were fourteen and didn’t have the words for it. I probably loved you the day I met you in that forest, even though I can’t remember. And I promise I will keep you safe. There is nothing that anyone in Arendelle or anyone in Northuldra can do to change how I love you. And there is no danger that any man alive can put us in that we can’t defend ourselves against.” He leaned his forehead against hers, willing her to believe that his words, his heart, were true.

Iduna brought her hands to her face and sobbed. The tears that had been tightly controlled were running freely down her face, into her hands, onto Agnarr’s coat.

His voice was still gentle, but choked with emotion. “I had a different plan for asking. But I want you to know now. I want to marry you, and I love you. I will always love you. Will you marry me?”

Iduna nodded into her hands, and let out a “Yes,” amidst the tears. He walked with her over to a patch of grass under a tree, sat down, and pulled her into his lap. She continued to weep as he held her, rubbing her back and cradling her against his chest, trying to convince her with his presence and physical touch that his love for her was unchanged.

***

Later that night, Agnarr set up a camp for them under the tree. Her home, a topic so long avoided, was something she wanted to talk about now. As they ate the bread and cheese Elias packed for them, she told Agnarr about her family, first in short bursts, the names and places unfamiliar on her tongue after so long unspoken.

“I had brothers. Three of them; all older. Lemek, Duvka, and Ruben.” She shivered and his arm was tight around her. “And a mother and a father. My grandmother.” She smiled sadly. “My grandmother made the shawl. They are given at birth to Northuldra babies, and it is all that I still have from there.”

She fell asleep in his lap, and he wrapped her shawl around them, holding her even in sleep. When she woke, he wanted her to feel his solid presence, and know that he hadn’t vanished like so many she loved, into the mist.

***

As they rode to meet up with Elias the next morning, Agnarr asked. “Are there any Northuldra traditions for proposing? For marriage?”

She laughed. “There are. But be glad you can don’t have to do it that way. It involves reindeer. A lot of reindeer.” He looked at her inquisitively and she smiled. “The larger the herd, the more a man showed he could take care of his intended. Oh, and butterflies if you could get them. Some rock climbing.” She laughed again, picturing Agnarr attempting the ceremonial proposal that Lemek had performed for his beloved. It felt good to have a memory of home not clouded by fear.

“Oh is that all? I’m sure I can manage that,” he chuckled. “I had planned to climb your favorite reading tree and then fall down at your feet, surprising you. All in all, reindeer and butterflies sound easier.”

“You would have broken your leg or worse!” She laughed again and the wind carried her laughter. “It’s asked and answered. No need for a big show.”

***

A few days after their return, Iduna, Maddie, and Greet awoke to what sounded like thunder running around their boarding house.

Greet groaned and pulled her pillow over her head. “Tell whatever that is to be quiet.”

Iduna rubbed her eyes slowly, and then opened them, shocked, when she heard a familiar voice.

“Iduna, lady of my heart and citizen of Arendelle! Will you marry me?”

She looked out the window and saw Agnarr, riding his horse among a herd of reindeer. He took his hands off the reins and opened a jar with a few tired looking butterflies. The butterflies stayed in the jar. He was undeterred. He saw her come to the window, and shouted again. “Marry me, Iduna!”

Idnua shouted back, unsure if she could be heard over so many reindeer hooves. “What are you doing? This is crazy!” She laughed and put her hands over her mouth.

“I want you to be my queen!”

“Yes! Yes, I’ll be your wife. I’ll be your queen. I love you!”

She ran down the steps to the front door in her nightdress, scandalizing Maddie who ran behind her to give her a robe. Agnarr dismounted, waded through a sea of reindeer, and dropped to one knee. He held out a ring with a large blue stone, like the color of the northern sea, like the color of her eyes. On either side of the stone a sun was engraved, surely something Agnarr selected because of his nickname for her. But now she knew it also meant that he loved her for all she truly was: Iduna, from Northuldra, the People of the Sun.

She sat on his knee and threw her arms around his neck, and as they kissed, she wasn’t sure if the tears were hers or his.

***

A letter arrived from Henrik a month later. He congratulated the couple, assured them he would come back for the wedding, and then spent the rest of the letter making it clear he was laughing at Agnarr’s idea of a proposal. He ended with “Maybe you should leave all the romantic stuff to me. All my love, Henrik.”


End file.
